Ever wondered why it's so tough to make those crucial decisions that could change everything? This hesitation often stems from what Mark Manson terms the "Law of Avoidance" — a principle suggesting we naturally shy away from actions that could lead to discomfort or expose us to the risk of failure, even when these actions are necessary.
In my coaching sessions, I often ask, "What’s keeping you up at night?" The answers vary—partnerships, cash flow, profit margins, employees. I eventually ask them, “What is your part in this?” Their part is where their accountability lies, as well as their space of power and control. Yet, when it's time to act, to make those transformative changes, many leaders find themselves paralyzed by fear and self-doubt.
Facing the Hard Choices:
Whether it's firing a toxic employee who seems irreplaceable, confronting a misaligned business partner, or demanding an overdue payment from a client, the root of these challenges boils down to issues with people. As heart-centered leaders, you worry about the impact of your decisions on others—being disliked, hurting feelings, jeopardizing livelihoods, or angering clients. When do the needs of the business take precedence over F.E.A.R.’s–false evidence appearing real?
When Was the Last Time You Prioritized the Business's Needs?
For example, if your company provides a product or service, the business deserves to be paid. Yet, no one in your organization makes collection calls because they might upset the client. The reality is they are only a client once you have been paid by them. You get the business world you tolerate.
The Work That Needs Doing:
Crucial Conversations: Committing to having crucial conversations with stakeholders (employees, clients, vendors, etc.) is the first step. Mastering the techniques is essential. Creating psychological safety through mirroring, validation, and curiosity isn’t just a technique—it’s a necessity. The only way to improve is through practice. It might be messy at first, but it becomes easier over time.
Immediate Accountability: Address issues as they arise. Like parenting, if you don’t tackle a problem immediately, it gets harder to resolve as time passes. Move through the fear of reluctance and avoidance and act swiftly.
Self Discovery: The hardest work is often looking within. What are you scared of? For me, understanding my fear of abandonment rooted in childhood was pivotal. This fear blocked me from having tough conversations with underperforming employees or non-paying vendors because I was afraid they would leave me. It feels crazy to say that my fear was not rooted in business realities, but instead, it was rooted in childhood experiences.
Beyond Business Success:
When I paid off $600k in debt and hit the Inc. 5000 list multiple times, I thought it would fix everything. I thought it would fix my inner unhappiness. It didn't. I thought I would be happy all of the time. I wasn't.
The focus on external accomplishment through business did not quell my inner dissatisfaction. My coach, Dr. Danny Friedland, pointed out that I had the wrong goal. Being happy all of the time was an unattainable goal. He challenged me to change my goal from being happy all of the time, to being satisfied. This pivot was life-changing.
It embraced the highs and lows of the hero's journey, allowing for joyous moments amongst the struggles and inevitable frustrations of growing or fixing a business. Once a problem was solved, I could look back with satisfaction upon the experience, instead of focusing only on being happy in the moment.
Let’s reframe our initial motivations and make the necessary changes to lead a fulfilled life—personally and professionally. If you're ready to stop avoiding and start acting, let’s talk.
Looking forward to helping you take those tough steps,
Todd
