I found myself reflecting on a conversation I had recently with a long-term client.
We weren’t in a formal coaching session.
No agenda.
No framework on the whiteboard.
We were simply talking about our relationship and the arc of his life since we started working together over 3 years ago.
We covered how his business has grown.
How his leadership has changed.
How he shows up differently—as a husband, a father, and a human being.
And then, out of nowhere, he paused and said:
“I guarantee you—if I hadn’t hired you as a coach, I’d be divorced. My net worth would be half of what it is today. And I’d see my kids far less often. I can’t thank you enough.”
Why I Started Coaching
When I got into coaching nearly a decade ago, I didn’t do it to optimize org charts or chase KPIs.
My goal was simple: improve lives.
That was my WHY.
Yes, I wanted to help people grow their businesses.
Yes, I wanted to help leaders outgrow outdated leadership habits.
But underneath all of it was something deeper:
Helping people build lives they didn’t secretly want to escape from.
Hearing that this work may have played a role in saving a marriage was incredibly humbling—and, if I’m being honest, a little awkward to hear.
So let me be clear: I didn’t save his marriage. He did the work. I simply helped him slow down enough to see what mattered.
What Actually Changed His Marriage
We didn’t use magic words.
There was no clever “relationship hack.”
What we practiced were the same fundamentals that transform leadership inside a business—simple, uncomfortable skills that most high-performing entrepreneurs were never taught.
Here are a few that made the biggest difference:
Ask yourself: “What is my part of the problem?”
Not who’s wrong.
Not who started it.
Just clean ownership.
Use reflective inquiry instead of defense. Validate the other person, Mirror their words and be immensely curious
Curiosity creates safety.
Defensiveness creates distance.
Listen to absorb—not to respond.
Most leaders listen like they’re loading ammunition.
Real connection happens when you listen to understand.
Practice empathy, not strategy.
Don’t argue to win.
Don’t debate to prove your point.
As Brené Brown reminds us,
“Empathy doesn’t require agreement — it requires presence.”
And John Gottman’s research backs this up in a powerful way:
What destroys marriages isn’t conflict — it’s defensiveness, contempt, and the inability to take responsibility.
Sound familiar?
Those same patterns don’t just kill marriages.
They quietly poison leadership teams and cultures, too.
The Leadership Connection
Here’s the part that matters for every entrepreneur reading this:
The same skills that saved his marriage are the ones that made him a better CEO: emotional regulation, curiosity under pressure, and the ability to listen before reacting.
You don’t get to be grounded at work and reactive at home.
You don’t get to build trust with employees while eroding it with the people who matter most.
Leadership bleeds into life—whether we like it or not.
The Other Side of the Story
I’ve also seen the opposite.
Leaders who grew the business while quietly losing their marriage.
Their health.
Their kids.
By the time they noticed, the damage was already done.
The P&L looked great.
Their life did not.
A Simple Experiment
If any of this resonates, try this one small experiment this week:
In one hard conversation, don’t fix anything.
Don’t defend anything.
Just listen until the other person feels fully understood.
See what changes.
No strategy.
No winning.
Just presence.
Because sometimes the real scorecard isn’t the business.
It’s whether the success you’re building is one you actually get to enjoy.
That’s the work.
And it’s worth it.
