Recently, one of my coaching clients asked me a question I hear more often than you might think.
“Todd… is this coaching actually working? Am I growing? Am I improving as a leader?”
I understood the frustration immediately because most entrepreneurs expect growth to feel obvious. They expect to see dramatic breakthroughs, immediate confidence, cleaner results, faster execution, and measurable wins that clearly validate their work.
But leadership growth rarely works that way.
Real growth is often subtle before it becomes transformational.
So rather than answer his question directly, I challenged him to do something different.
I told him to go talk to the people closest to him. Talk to your spouse. Talk to your kids. Talk to your peers at work. Talk to your board. Then come back next week and tell me what THEY see. I also encouraged him to ask an even harder question: “What do I still need to work on?”
When we met the following week, he was emotional.
His board told him he was calmer under pressure. His leadership team said he listened better and reacted less defensively. His spouse shared that he was more emotionally present at home. His kids noticed he seemed less stressed and more available. His peers described him as more grounded and more patient during difficult conversations.
And interestingly enough…
The business is now having its best year ever.
But here’s the important part:
The business growth followed the internal growth.
That’s how this works more often than entrepreneurs realize.
Many entrepreneurs evaluate growth transactionally:
Did revenue increase?
Did profits improve?
Did we hit our KPIs?
While those things matter, it is important to remember that those are results of deeper growth and change.
But some of the most transformational growth is identity-based:
Becoming less reactive
learning to tolerate difficult conversations
building emotional safety
shifting from controlling to trusting
and leading from clarity instead of fear.
Those changes are harder to measure, but they often become the foundation for sustainable business growth.
One of the things my former coach, Dr. Danny Friedland, MD, physician, neuroscientist, and author of Leading Well From Within, taught me is that much of our behavioral patterning and emotional processing happens subconsciously. He told me that 85% of our growth happens in our subconscious. That means some of the most important leadership growth is occurring internally before we consciously recognize it ourselves.
Entrepreneurs are often terrible historians of their own progress because they normalize their improvements almost immediately. The new behavior quickly becomes “normal,” so they stop recognizing how far they’ve come.
On top of that, high-performing entrepreneurs tend to keep moving the goalposts for themselves constantly. The moment they improve in one area, they immediately focus on the next deficiency rather than recognizing the transformation that has already occurred.
I see this all the time in coaching, and I was guilty of this behavior when I was a CEO.
A leader who once exploded during conflict now pauses and listens.
A founder who avoided hard conversations now leans into them calmly.
An entrepreneur who operates out of fear and control begins to build trust and psychological safety with their team.
And yet…
Because those behaviors slowly become integrated, the leader often says:
“I don’t know if I’m changing.”
Meanwhile, everyone around them feels the difference.
Leadership growth is a lot like watching your kids grow. You don’t notice the changes day to day because you see them constantly. Then a relative visits after six months and says, “Wow… they’ve grown so much.”
Leadership transformation works the same way.
The challenge is that entrepreneurs are wired for measurement, speed, certainty, and visible outcomes. So when the growth is emotional, relational, behavioral, or identity-based, it can feel like nothing is happening.
But underneath the surface, roots are forming.
Where is the evidence of this? -
Healthier leaders make healthier decisions.
Healthier communication improves culture.
Better culture improves retention.
Better retention improves execution.
And stronger execution improves growth.
This is why coaching the person often transforms the business.
Not because of magic. It is because businesses often grow at the speed of their leader.
Sometimes the greatest breakthrough isn’t a new strategy or marketing plan.
Sometimes it’s a calmer nervous system.
Greater emotional regulation.
Better boundaries.
Healthier conversations.
The ability to stay present under pressure.
Or finally feeling safe enough to stop performing and start leading authentically.
That work changes everything.
The problem is…it usually happens quietly before it becomes visible.
Here’s a challenge for you this week.
Ask three people closest to you:
“Where have you seen me grow over the past year?”
Then ask:
“Where do I still create friction, tension, or distance?”
Don’t defend.
Don’t explain.
Just listen.
You may discover the growth you’ve been searching for is already visible to everyone around you.
You may simply be too close to it to see it yourself.
